Sunday, May 19, 2013

Nathan's Thoughts About Love

I have been playing the role of a jealous person for most of my life. I have also encountered multiple women who dress in green. The thought of green women has been perplexing to me. On the one hand, it may be a favorite color, or an appeal to an abstracted, general audience. On the other hand, it appeals to my notion of heraldic romanticism.

Who am I to take these women seriously in something which is unintentional? Who am I to remain a jealous person? Who are they to wear a jealous color, when all it could do is inspire jealousy? Who am I to love these women?

There is different trend which is not love or jealousy, but instead art. Art and aesthetic possesses virtual love: pleasure, urbanism, horticulture, in a way that I cannot possess as a jealous person. In some ways I and these women equally belong in the garden of urbania, in the location of jealousy. But that does not make us any closer; nor does it seem that the garden or city justify jealousy, or that love would justify the relationship.

I have been arguing to myself that I am an old person, and perhaps my days of wisdom were past. I made a lot of secret decisions in my private life separated from the activities of everyone who had free choice. I took part in a certain knowledge which bound me to a fundamental difference. My knowledge was neither jealousy nor love, and neither have come as a product of the knowledge.

I have remarkable contact with cities and gardens however, so in some respects I feel justified in my retirement. But, as I have always reasoned, why not grow out of retirement? Why not finally attain youth? Why not flirt with the agons of jealousy? Why not pit my heart on these flagrant deals of death? It seems like love. It also seems like a casual life.

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